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Roll up Roll up come and visit the circus this year where you will find magical Cheeky Fairies that Dance in Hoops. Where little school boys are free to do what they want and not go to school, and where little puppet called Pinocchio lives. Come this year and join Chickenshed as they put on this festive show where a cast of 200 will take in this production. Come and see Chickenshed at its best this year with it production of ‘PINOCCHIO’. With Chickenshed own Original script and Music written by David Carey and also additional music by Paul Morrall and Jo Collins. Come and see the Family show of the year there is something for everyone in this show .
From moment Geoppetto 1st caved this little boy the advancer started for this little puppet, from going to see and puppet show, to get 5 gold corns, to meet a boy called Candlewick, to then loss them to a fox and a cat, to then going to school and in to the ocean, then being home in time for tea all with the help from Pinocchio’s friend’s.
Chickenshed’s Heart warming original version of this timeless classic. Chickenshed's inimitable and exuberant style with music, laughter, tears and not a little drama.
Previews (Wed 9 – Sat 12 December):
Stalls: £12, Gallery: £10
Peak performances (Fri 18 December – Saturday 2 January):
Stalls: £19.50, Gallery: £13.50
Standard performances (all other dates):
Stalls: £18, Gallery: £12
Concessions are available for all performances.
Sign Language is integrated into all performances
Captioned performances:
Friday 18 December at 7.30pm
Friday 8 January at 12pm
Saturday 9 January at 3.30pm
Audio-described performances:
Wednesday 23 December at 7.30pm
Wednesday 6 January at 1pm & 7.30pm
Friday 8 January at 7.30pm
This is a great deal better Murat and you have followed some of my constructive feedback. I like that you have used the title of what you are marketing which obviously is “Pinocchio”.
ReplyDeleteI think that the opening few sentences are very good however I think it sounds like you are advertising a circus production as opposed to a stage production with a scene at the circus. Do you agree? Maybe use the sentence about the family show of the year instead and then you don’t send out mixed signals, otherwise you have engaged me more than your last piece.
I do think that the information about Chickenshed should be in a new paragraph. In that paragraph you have already mentioned that it’s Pinocchio at the Chickenshed and then you have repeated yourself but have written it a different way.
Your second paragraph makes no sense to me and I think you should re-write it and correct your grammar for example, where you have written 1st should be written as the word first, loss should be lose, in to should be into as one word and being should be getting.
Your next paragraph is very good, I like the expressive words you have used are very descriptive however you I think to make this paragraph stronger you should juggle the sentences around.
The rest of the text is very clear, it has all the information people need to know about contacting you for a ticket, knowing exactly what they will pay and how to get there. Well done.
I agree with Abbi there are a few paragraphs that need a bit of fixing. But overall it really markets the event well. You get the vibe of Chickenshed and what to expect from the performance.
ReplyDeleteI especially like the clear instructions on times and prices ect.
The map is a good idea too.
I would just work on telling the story a little clearer.
Tara.
hey murat,
ReplyDeletebig improvement in your second draft. your piece is really forming a clearer marketing angle. still afew grammar problems. im alittle confused as to the first few lines of the second chunk of writing "From moment Geoppetto 1st caved this little boy the advancer started for this little puppet" just relook at this and address making it clearer. remember you don't have to go into too much detail on the story line, but enough to draw a target audience in.
your piece has a really good layout. i like the use of how you draw the reader in and then give the information obout when and where the show is being held.
overall, vast improvements from the last. all you need to do is sort out the grammar!
sarah c
Hey Murat, as with the above comments the 2nd paragraph confuses me. Although having read the first paragraph, I am unsure that that paragraph is even necessary. At first glance I thought i was about to read a descriptive piece of writing but as soon as i glanced down and saw the production times, map to the theatre and prices I immediatly knew it was marketting.
ReplyDeleteSome articles I have read on Marketting Writing mention that the most important information is in the first paragraph, for example;
What it is your marketting?
Who is involved?
When is it?
Where it is? etc.
I wonder what your piece would be like if you added a starter paragraph, placing the above information first and then continuing describing it (which you have done very well and i have a clear picture of what to expect in my head)?
Rosina