Pinocchio taking from one of the most loved fairy tales in the world and now with Chickenshed new and original take on this wonderful story new people to love this story with original music and dance this production takes the audience in to a circus where they will meet some different and wonderful characters but still keeping the originlate of this story but with some fun and new characters on the way.
The circus theme helps take you well to the land of Pinocchio with the way the stage movies and takes you to the next part of the story and the amazing music which you will be singing along to be the end of the show. This take on such a classic story but putting a Morden twist to it makes you want to see it time and time again make it a classic piece in its own right.
The story helps you feel like you are a part of the show yourself as you feel you are part Pinocchio going throw all the different obstacles that Pinocchio has to go throw just to become a real boy with the help of the lovely and powerful bluefariy and the cricket that helps him think of wrong and right even if Pinocchio sometimes does not.
This show will make you cry, make you think, and will all so make you feel so Christmas all at once .
It’s one not to miss this year.
I think you aimed for this to be your descriptive piece, however I do think that in some areas it is but in most areas I think you’re marketing Pinocchio. I feel that you are not telling me about Pinocchio in a descriptive way as your not telling me what I should picture when he is on his journey, or what he looks like. You don’t often use many describing words to make it a definite descriptive piece.
ReplyDeleteThere are also again some grammar, punctuation and spelling errors and I did struggle to understand what you are trying to say. I think you should again read through it and change some words round and insert some commas to break up the text.
Maybe to prevent this piece from falling into the marketing style you could write about an actual scene of Pinocchio as you might find this easier to write because you are just writing what you physically see, feel, smell etc. For example “The seats are slowly filling up, and the children in the audience of the chicken shed theatre can’t keep still due to pure excitement of the well loved cheeky little boy Pinocchio. The smell of candy from the children and the rich smell of coffee sippers disappears, and then the moment everyone has been waiting for. The red silk curtains slowly open keeping you in suspense as to what you will see before your eyes”. “The lights are bright and fill the stage with pretty colours that give you a nice warm feeling inside”.
In my example I have set the scene, and told you a little about what’s happening but by being descriptive. Do you agree?
If you can’t decide if it’s descriptive enough then keep reading it back and ask yourself if you can picture everything you have said. If you can then you have been descriptive enough, if you cant then you need to add more.
I found writing my descriptive piece fairly easy; maybe have a read of mine if you want to get a broader idea of what I have explained. Remember these are drafts and the comments you receive will help you get to an excellent final copy.
Thank you so much Abbi do feel that all the ideas and comment you have given me are going to help me a lot thank you so much
ReplyDeleteMurat,
ReplyDeleteI did enjoy reading your piece and I'm now thinking about going to see Pinocchio but I did find it hard to distinguish your writing style. I agree with Abbi that you have aimed for a descriptive piece here but you do cross over into the marketing style throughout.
From writing my first draft of descriptive I too found that there can be a very thin line between descriptive and marketing styles and ended up coming to the conclusion that you must show the reader your experience rather than tell them. What lead me to this conclusion were some comments from Abbi and Danielle. They thought my first draft could have been a marketing piece or a mixture of marketing and descriptive. I knew straight away that the style was not obvious and did some extra research into descriptive writing.
I think it will help you if you write in the past tense, Im not saying change your piece completely but think of describing the first time you went to see the show. This way you could really think of questions like what did the music sound like? what did the set and characters look like?? What did the seats feel like?? What did your interval food taste like and what did the theatre and food smell like?? If you imagine yourself to be a video camera that is recording the scenes of the experience. Then you can look back at a selection of the stills from your human video and describe them. This is also useful when you want to achieve a good structure as you can describe each still as it happens one after the other.
In your description try using some clever metaphors like his cheeks were glowing like two rosy red apples and similes like the theatre smelt as fresh as a daisy, the actor was as fit as a fiddle. Remember to show the reader all the time and don’t tell. If someone told me something was dangerous I might not believe it but if they showed me its sharp fangs, razor like teeth and enormous jaw I would see the danger through the description.
I like the way you have a lot of passion for this show so try to make this the underlying message through your description.
I look forward to seeing your second draft Murat and you blog is looking great, Im really able to get a sense of who you are and what you stand for.
Michelle